Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

Through the past 365 days, I have had a whole gamut of experiences with women. These women come from all age groups without any exclusion, from various strata of society, living in different parts of India and the World, having disproportionate access to modern means of communication, with multitude of emotional and psychological states of mind, playing numerous roles and owning numerous responsibilities; I could go on and on. I have had just as many different kinds of relationships with these women. And many of these relationships were stretched to extremes by my definition.

Friends (close, casual, long distance, long lost, romantic, short term, etc). Sisters. Mother. Aunts. Strangers. Kids. Strangers’ kids. Adolescents. Professors. Bureaucrats. Really, a gamut. Women who’ve taken a whip from life; women who’ve whipped life back; women who’ve taken a fall; women who’ve gotten up after a fall; women who’ve tried to fall others; women who’ve been sexually harassed; women who have seduced to have their way; women who did everything imaginable or unimaginable to preserve their love; women who did everything to break away from their partners; women who found love; women who lost love; women who have cooked the best meals for me; women who rely on restaurants; women who have been played for gain; women who have played games on others; women who were promoted at work; women who didn’t get the promotion they deserved; women who respect and love others like equals; women who are pseudo fascist and rarely appreciate, respect or love; women who have come so close to me; and women who have gone so far away. Really, a gamut.

Quite ostensibly, I’ve seen so many more facets of women in the past year, and I’ve tried to look as closely as possible, that my perspective of them has undergone further change. As a matter of fact, I’m changing too, and my perspectives of women I used to know but am no longer in contact with has changed too. The best things that happened were that so many of you were such good people and such amazing friends, and I will never be able to thank you enough. Your presence in my life is a source of atomic energy, and you have to take my word for this. It’s rare that I have felt as loved, as in all of the past year. And it’s even rarer that I have loved as much, as in all of the past year. And it’s all thanks to you.

Can I be brutally honest with you? Because on this day, International Women’s Day, 08 March 2011, I suppose I can be honest when it comes to you. But who am I to decide! Let’s see how this goes.

I shower praises on you all, incrementally year upon year. This time around, I have a request. I know that it’s been a particularly unsettling year, for many of you, and I must tell you that in some weird extension, it’s been unsettling for me. When I say unsettling, there’s an obvious negative connotation to it. The most prominent contributor is the aspect of individualism. I found, that several modern independent women fail to appreciate the subtle differences between suggestion, request, feedback, criticism, sharing, advice and order (instruction); and perpetually default a situation to be conceived as an advice or order towards them, while completely dismissing the circumstances and their importance, the relationships involved, and without due consideration for giving benefit of doubt. Yes, not everybody is happy and accepting when they are given advice or orders, especially when not asked for. And depending on who you are, it could make you momentarily upset, or it could send you into shock, or anything in between. It probably takes a lot of maturity to reach that point in life when you know what matters and what doesn’t, and handle the situation with finesse.

Coming back. I gather that some of these women simply don’t understand the differences; or their bitterness with life is so overwhelming that they will jump at any opportunity to transfer it to others; or they’re just playing out roles to fulfill their fantasies to sustain a state of self pity; or they’re too drunk on individualism and place all situations in a circle that encloses only themselves and which is completely devoid of any social, rational or spiritual meaning.

My request is, please, take a few deep breaths, and calm down, and look at things in larger perspectives, grow your heart, as you grow in age. And if you just thought that I’ve lost my mind, well, that’s quite possible too, sometimes I do feel that I’ve gone bonkers.

That’s so much from me on your special day. I deliberately waited until the end of the day to post this, I hope you’ll understand. We need you women, not just because you make babies, but because you make this world a more beautiful place, every day. I’m a romantic at heart, and I love to love, and I love to care, and whoever you are, and wherever you are, even if you’ve broken my heart, or lied to me, or you’re not talking to me, I love you all.

Smiles and Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

I could never forget that night. It was the beginning of a new phase in my life.

She was looking so beautiful, as usual. It was already difficult for me to keep my eyes off her, and seeing her dolled up in her new short red dress was giving my eyes plenty of exercise, like they were tracking cameras of some kind. I could live the rest of my life just looking at her. Looking at her sleeping. Looking at her cooking. Looking at her getting mad at me. Looking at her smile. Looking at her so scared crossing the road. Looking at her crying in the movies. Looking at her when she looked at me. I could live the rest of my life just looking at her.

The plan was to celebrate the New Year at a friend’s home. But the fog appeared at 11pm, just when I reached her apartment to pick her up. When we finally decided to not risk a drive in the fog and to stay home instead, I instantly fell into numbness. The thought that I'd be bored as always in her small apartment was killing me, and as always, I moaned.

She cheered me up, cooked two packets of instant noodles, and we watched TV as we ate. I was still angry because I was spending that night watching TV! “How sad is my life.” Those were the last words I spoke in that year.

Suddenly, and at the same time, we realized that the fog was so thick that it felt like it was snowing. Memories flooded me, and I smiled. She smiled too. After all my grumbling, I’m sure she smiled only because I smiled.

My impulsive self took over. I shut off the TV, pulled her upstairs to the terrace, switched on the light, put the cell-phone radio on speakerphone, and we danced freely to all the songs. In the whiteness, I could hardly see her face clearly. For the few moments when our hands would separate, I wouldn’t let her red silhouette out of my sight. Then the count-down started on the radio. 10. 9. 8 ... We kissed, and hugged, and stayed that way for a long period. The songs meanwhile continued to play.

Dew was forming on our faces and hands. We went inside, downstairs, quietly, holding each other, the radio on low volume now. I took her to the kitchen, opened the bottle of Chardonnay that we were to take to our friends, poured out two glasses for us, but set them aside. I hugged her again, and whispered into her ears. “Marry me.” Those were the first words I spoke in the New Year.

[The above is the translation of a story which I had written for an assignment for my French class. I scored only 5 on 10 for it, because I misunderstood the topic and wrote about an “unforgettable” experience, while it should have been about a “relaxing” experience. Anyhow, writing the article itself, was a relaxing experience, while seeing the score, was an unforgettable one!]

Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

I was at this 3 star hotel, to meet a couple of friends who were there to attend a wedding. At the hotel reception, when I was sure nobody was looking, I grabbed two fistfuls of individually wrapped candy (toffee) from a very pretty little basket, and stuffed them into my jacket pockets. As luck would have it, this girl R at the reception noticed this escapade (she was beautiful, and ignore how I know her name). I saw her seeing me, and I also saw her making a "stuck up" or "screwed up" face, ostensibly as a reaction to my toffee grabbing antic. At that time I just ignored her, and hoped that she did likewise.

I parked the bike at the hotel, rode with my friends to the airport, saw them off, and had myself dropped back at the hotel to pick up the bike. It was about 8pm. Without giving it much thought, I walked back to the reception, and asked R if she would take a break for a couple of minutes and come outside. To my surprise, she obliged. I asked her to follow me, and we strolled to the rear of the hotel, towards the motorcycle parking.

It was dark and the bike parking lot was quite unforgiving. It felt like the hotel didn’t respect bikers. But that wasn't why we were going there. I didn't say anything, we just kept walking.

The hotel was undergoing expansion, and construction workers were living in makeshift huts, right next to the bike parking lot. There, I found the same group of little children whom I had seen playing, when I had parked my bike earlier in the day. I called out to the children. Within seconds, half dozen boisterous kids had surrounded R and me. I took out the toffees from my jacket pockets and gave them to R, and asked her to give them to the kids. She looked surprised at first, and then smiled. The kids had their happy moments, screaming and scampering all over the place. Then one of them stood there with a hand stretched out, still in wait for a toffee. R didn't have any more, and she said "not enough". I responded with "there's never enough."

After the children had dispersed, R stood staring at me, and asked: "So what’s the point?" What’s the point! Geez! I said: "No point. I noticed your stuck up face when I picked up the toffees, I wanted to put things in perspective." She smiled (really!) and started walking away. Made me feel good.

I stood there looking at her walk back to the hotel. When she was about 10 feet away, she stopped. Justifiably, I found myself holding my breath. She turned around and said "For your information, on weekends, I work with an NGO and teach in a school." First, my heart sank to my stomach. Right there. Then I was dumbstruck, unable to say a word. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. She works in an NGO and I'm trying to impress her like I'm Robinhood. What a loser!

Without waiting for a response, she turned around and started to walk again. Life returned to me when she had walked another 10 feet, and I screamed out to her: "What else do you do on weekends?"

She didn't stop. She just walked, and walked, till I could see her no more. And I stood, surrounded by darkness, my mind screaming to run after her, but my feet simply unwilling to move. When the sounds of the children reached my ears again, normalness returned, and I suddenly felt, like I had won, after all.

Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

Sunday night, I had a dream. I usually don’t dream. And when I do, I vaguely remember that there was a movie playing in my head, but I will have no recollection of any scene, no audio, no video, nothing.

Wonder of wonders, I wake up Monday morning, and I have a vivid recollection of the movie that played. It was in full colour, but there was no audio. There was an airplane. And besides me, there were hundreds of people in the dream. I remember only one person, this girl, N.

It was a rather large airplane, packed with people, buckled in, prepared for takeoff. I found myself standing in the aisle, beside N, who was seated in the aisle seat of the very last row. She was panicking, like a first time air-traveller, unwilling to let go off my hand, and pleading me to take her off the plane. The others seated around were looking at her. Or were they looking at me? I was saying something to her, trying to pacify her, to calm her down; after all, I was the pilot.

I could see in her eyes that she was trying to fight her fears, and her tears. I spoke for several minutes. When the stares from around us became too hot to handle, and I realised it was getting late, I looked at her to tell her that I had to go, to take everybody to their destination, and tried to free my hands from her ever tightening grip. After a moment, she let go reluctantly, and before I had moved, two drops of precious appeared out of the corner of her right eye. I dropped to my knees, wiped them away quickly, and held her face between my palms, not saying anything, just looking at her, not knowing what to speak, and only hoping that she’ll see in my eyes that it’s all going to be ok.

The engines had probably started to roar at full power, but the vibration didn’t grab my attention. Then, the plane started rolling on its wheels. That knocked me off balance. It shocked me, the plane was moving! I tore myself away from N, and started to run towards the front of the aisle. By the time I reached the cockpit door, it had picked up speed. I tried to open the door, but it was locked.

There was no big flash of light or the super heated flames from the aviation fuel, just a shockwave going through my body. The explosion must have been deafening, like thunder. The airplane stopped moving, and it fell with a reverberating thud, knocking me down onto the floor. And quite abruptly, all movement abated. I turned around, and found the rest of the airplane in several pieces, wires hanging from everywhere, and the distinct yellow of the oxygen masks. Strangely, all the passengers had disappeared, along with their seats, and the luggage that was stowed in the overhead bins. The airplane was now like a long tunnel, with alternating lit and dark sections, a mess of electrical wires, oxygen masks dangling in mid air, and a light haze.

I started running through the tattered body, towards the rear, like that was the sole purpose of my life now, to run to the back of the airplane. I reached there in no time. And there she was, sitting on the floor, face burrowed in her knees and hands clutching her little black bag. I sat down beside her. She was sobbing quietly. I said nothing, just put my arms around her and huddled up, and cried.


Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

It was the best new years ever. 2010 came with the biggest ever rush, displacing 2003 by miles. The images of my cousins and new friends will remain ingrained in my memories.
And the cold winter temperature of Jamshedpur was the icing on the cake.

I think I have an optimal operating temperature range, between 10C and 20C. Between 20C and 30C is the orange zone, where I will perform optimally, but I will complain. Between 30C and 40C is the red zone, where I cannot perform optimally with sufficient external cooling and excessive fluid intake. And above 40C is the melting zone, more like the “get-out-of-my-way,-I’m-taking-the-next-flight-to-the-North-Pole” zone. Incidentally, Bangalore has seen the highest recorded temperatures in its history in these last couple of days. While 38C is nowhere near the scorching temperatures of cities like Delhi, Bangaloreans are much too accustomed to the comfort of sub-30C dwelling.

As always, there’s a lot going on in life. A lot of what I don’t want. And too little of what I want. I’m not miserable any more. I’m ok, actually, for the most part, I’m happy. I’ve indulged in meditation, pranayam, Art of Living courses (or, discourses, as a friend says), homeopathy, acupressure, long walks, long talks, and just anything else that will keep my mind occupied. Even an hour of doing nothing leads to extended periods of nothingness. So I’ve prescribed myself the task of staying busy, and act it if required.

One of the biggest achievements in the recent past has been completing the French level A1. All the weekends for 6 months at Alliance Française have brought more happiness than all the whisky in all of the last year put together. I am now doing level A2. As much as I enjoy the studying, it’s the friends in class and a cool professor who make it worth the while.

A recent incident in Bangalore had my head spinning for a several days. The fire at Carlton Towers, that killed 9 people. This is a building I visited often, because if houses some of the best restaurants and ice-cream parlor in close proximity to home. I drove past it the same night as the fire occurred, and noticed the sullen desolate look, as against the normalcy of bright lights and feverish crowds. The next morning, the front half page of the newspaper was a picture of a man falling from the Nth floor of the building. I was instantly in tears and needless to say, I couldn’t read at all. I can’t say that the image brought back haunting visuals of 9/11, but my reaction was no different. While tragedies will happen, and we will learn to live with them, I simply hate the fact that a newspaper is allowed to display such visuals. When I watch a movie or read a book, I’m conscious that it’s all an act, or fiction. But this is real life, and nobody, nobody must have to endure such images without their own explicit desire.


Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

I recently completed building a website for a friend. It's not my primary competency, but it's quick, and it's fun. This new website is for Anjuli Gopalakrishna. She is a stalwart in training in the apparel industry in India.

Cheers
Mayur

I want to break free. Free in the mind and free in the heart. It’s difficult to explain, this freedom. There are so many facets to it, larger ones like society, relationships, education, occupation, religion, politics, parenting, upbringing, and smaller personal ones like how you dress, what you drive, and where you live. The one that I think about en masse is the role of society in my life, and vice versa. Am I really one of the countless threads that make up the ostensible picturesque fabric of society? If I am, then in at least half the situations that bring this society face to face with me, I am completely out of place. I will either feel out of place or be made aware so, and then I will act and react accordingly. And though that does not bother me, it creates an ugly ripple effect on those around me, and also quite obviously, on society. I just groan about and grapple with society and it’s infatuation with unrelenting multitudes of rules and regulations (and also directives).

For several months now, each time I wanted to write an article, my mind was flooded with the same thoughts over and over: job, finances, aviation, health, friends, parents, life. The mind advertently bends towards philosophy or romance, and I wrote something completely senseless, and ended up sticking a one liner on facebook. And once in a blue moon, the energy level will attempt to conquer Mt. Everest, and such rare escapades will result in a poem.

It’s all very different to me. There was a time when I tried so hard to read and understand poems, even the ones she wrote for me, but they just didn’t permeate my thick skull. I didn’t even appreciate the fact that she wrote poems for me. Yes, I feel stupid about that. Yeats and Tagore and Shakespeare actually make sense now. I at times wake up remembering a dream or recollecting an incident from the previous day, and pen down a sweet nothing. Everybody is looking so beautiful today. I slow down to glance at the leaves and smell the flowers. I feel at peace although there is so much insecurity and vagueness in my life. It’s all very different to me.

My closest friends give me tremendous support and are my quiet inspiration. They are like my energy stations. I can recharge anytime by making a phone call. I’ve found some amazing new friends in the past year, and strengthened older ones, and but for all of them, I wouldn’t have been sane enough to write this today. Cheers to all of you. Wish you all a great year ahead.

Cheers
Mayur Poddar

Here's one more of the abstract one liners. These are my facebook updates, so if you're on my facebook, then you've probably read them already.

Dharma protects those who uphold dharma. Those who violate dharma arenot entitled to that protection. Oh shit man, now you tell me!

Fiqrana hoke hum jeeye Khamakha hum jeeye na kyu Beparvaah hoke hum jeeye Khamakha hum jeeye na kyu

It's the lull before the storm. Change is coming. Soon.

I surf the universe. sometimes the waves of emotion are bigger than expected.

When i am in doubt, one thing is very clear, that i did not give it my 100%

believe that the best relationships are those in which you don't have to try.

Each one of us someone's dream. I keep my fingers crossed.

If I can be honest with myself, I can overcome anything

All i really want, is lots of love.

Sometimes the person you like is not the person you desire. It's just another mess in life.

Whats in a name? Whats in a name? Whats in a name?

Lonliness is a hard reminder, that I am human, and that I have desires.

It's about love. The importance of love. Accepting its power. Feeling it's subtle omni-presence. About believing in yourself. And for love, breaking all barriers and crossing boundaries. Being one. Being free.

My facebook groups: Level1, Friends, Family, CA Buddies, Friends of Friends, Forgotten Friends, CA Junkies

The only thing that can hurt me is you, and I don't have anything else to be afraid of.

One glance is tranquil, the next angst. Then hope, and then dread. Another love-hate relationship. The full moon and me.

It's the 5th of December 2009, 2:25pm. As of just now, I renounce chocolate.

It actually happens. When I wrong somebody, I can feel more hurt.

There's a reason I want you as my guardian angel. I know you understand. I don't care about anybody or anything else, I want you somewhere nearby, all the time. That's my wish. That's my prayer.

There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake, but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it is a mistake is to make that mistake and look back and say, "Yup, that was a mistake".

Sometimes you just can't tell the person you desire just that. It's yet another mess in life.

And sometimes you just have to say it. That's a mess in life too.

In a situation where I have to choose between dharma and love, if I actually have to think about it, then I'm not that much of a free mind, am I?

I will never buy a car. That is my commitment and passive contribution to protect the environment.

I am i becoz u r u. and i love u very much.

Question. Loving somebody but not being with them or "having" them - VS. - knowing that you can love somebody forever and nobody can take that away from you.

Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

During the workshop children learn the six-gold keys to success through innovative games and interactive processes that reinforce human values. Through fun and laughter, children learn valuable lessons on how to share with others, work and play in harmony and develop a sense of belonging. Children become more self-expressive and comfortable and natural even with diverse groups of people.

Students are also taught yoga and effective and powerful breathing processes which help eliminate fear, anxiety, depression and other negative emotions. Meditation, being an important tool to tap the children's hidden potential, forms an integral part of the program.

After undergoing the program, children demonstrate enhancement of creative skills, improved memory and concentration, development of leadership qualities and healthy emotions, clarity of mind as well as improved interaction with their peers.

Start Time: Friday, December 25, 2009 at 8:30am
End Time: Monday, December 28, 2009 at 12:30pm
Location: HAL Convention Center, Bengaluru
Registration details: http://dhamaka-utsah.webs.com/