It was the best new years ever. 2010 came with the biggest ever rush, displacing 2003 by miles. The images of my cousins and new friends will remain ingrained in my memories.
And the cold winter temperature of Jamshedpur was the icing on the cake.

I think I have an optimal operating temperature range, between 10C and 20C. Between 20C and 30C is the orange zone, where I will perform optimally, but I will complain. Between 30C and 40C is the red zone, where I cannot perform optimally with sufficient external cooling and excessive fluid intake. And above 40C is the melting zone, more like the “get-out-of-my-way,-I’m-taking-the-next-flight-to-the-North-Pole” zone. Incidentally, Bangalore has seen the highest recorded temperatures in its history in these last couple of days. While 38C is nowhere near the scorching temperatures of cities like Delhi, Bangaloreans are much too accustomed to the comfort of sub-30C dwelling.

As always, there’s a lot going on in life. A lot of what I don’t want. And too little of what I want. I’m not miserable any more. I’m ok, actually, for the most part, I’m happy. I’ve indulged in meditation, pranayam, Art of Living courses (or, discourses, as a friend says), homeopathy, acupressure, long walks, long talks, and just anything else that will keep my mind occupied. Even an hour of doing nothing leads to extended periods of nothingness. So I’ve prescribed myself the task of staying busy, and act it if required.

One of the biggest achievements in the recent past has been completing the French level A1. All the weekends for 6 months at Alliance Française have brought more happiness than all the whisky in all of the last year put together. I am now doing level A2. As much as I enjoy the studying, it’s the friends in class and a cool professor who make it worth the while.

A recent incident in Bangalore had my head spinning for a several days. The fire at Carlton Towers, that killed 9 people. This is a building I visited often, because if houses some of the best restaurants and ice-cream parlor in close proximity to home. I drove past it the same night as the fire occurred, and noticed the sullen desolate look, as against the normalcy of bright lights and feverish crowds. The next morning, the front half page of the newspaper was a picture of a man falling from the Nth floor of the building. I was instantly in tears and needless to say, I couldn’t read at all. I can’t say that the image brought back haunting visuals of 9/11, but my reaction was no different. While tragedies will happen, and we will learn to live with them, I simply hate the fact that a newspaper is allowed to display such visuals. When I watch a movie or read a book, I’m conscious that it’s all an act, or fiction. But this is real life, and nobody, nobody must have to endure such images without their own explicit desire.


Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

I recently completed building a website for a friend. It's not my primary competency, but it's quick, and it's fun. This new website is for Anjuli Gopalakrishna. She is a stalwart in training in the apparel industry in India.

Cheers
Mayur

I want to break free. Free in the mind and free in the heart. It’s difficult to explain, this freedom. There are so many facets to it, larger ones like society, relationships, education, occupation, religion, politics, parenting, upbringing, and smaller personal ones like how you dress, what you drive, and where you live. The one that I think about en masse is the role of society in my life, and vice versa. Am I really one of the countless threads that make up the ostensible picturesque fabric of society? If I am, then in at least half the situations that bring this society face to face with me, I am completely out of place. I will either feel out of place or be made aware so, and then I will act and react accordingly. And though that does not bother me, it creates an ugly ripple effect on those around me, and also quite obviously, on society. I just groan about and grapple with society and it’s infatuation with unrelenting multitudes of rules and regulations (and also directives).

For several months now, each time I wanted to write an article, my mind was flooded with the same thoughts over and over: job, finances, aviation, health, friends, parents, life. The mind advertently bends towards philosophy or romance, and I wrote something completely senseless, and ended up sticking a one liner on facebook. And once in a blue moon, the energy level will attempt to conquer Mt. Everest, and such rare escapades will result in a poem.

It’s all very different to me. There was a time when I tried so hard to read and understand poems, even the ones she wrote for me, but they just didn’t permeate my thick skull. I didn’t even appreciate the fact that she wrote poems for me. Yes, I feel stupid about that. Yeats and Tagore and Shakespeare actually make sense now. I at times wake up remembering a dream or recollecting an incident from the previous day, and pen down a sweet nothing. Everybody is looking so beautiful today. I slow down to glance at the leaves and smell the flowers. I feel at peace although there is so much insecurity and vagueness in my life. It’s all very different to me.

My closest friends give me tremendous support and are my quiet inspiration. They are like my energy stations. I can recharge anytime by making a phone call. I’ve found some amazing new friends in the past year, and strengthened older ones, and but for all of them, I wouldn’t have been sane enough to write this today. Cheers to all of you. Wish you all a great year ahead.

Cheers
Mayur Poddar

Here's one more of the abstract one liners. These are my facebook updates, so if you're on my facebook, then you've probably read them already.

Dharma protects those who uphold dharma. Those who violate dharma arenot entitled to that protection. Oh shit man, now you tell me!

Fiqrana hoke hum jeeye Khamakha hum jeeye na kyu Beparvaah hoke hum jeeye Khamakha hum jeeye na kyu

It's the lull before the storm. Change is coming. Soon.

I surf the universe. sometimes the waves of emotion are bigger than expected.

When i am in doubt, one thing is very clear, that i did not give it my 100%

believe that the best relationships are those in which you don't have to try.

Each one of us someone's dream. I keep my fingers crossed.

If I can be honest with myself, I can overcome anything

All i really want, is lots of love.

Sometimes the person you like is not the person you desire. It's just another mess in life.

Whats in a name? Whats in a name? Whats in a name?

Lonliness is a hard reminder, that I am human, and that I have desires.

It's about love. The importance of love. Accepting its power. Feeling it's subtle omni-presence. About believing in yourself. And for love, breaking all barriers and crossing boundaries. Being one. Being free.

My facebook groups: Level1, Friends, Family, CA Buddies, Friends of Friends, Forgotten Friends, CA Junkies

The only thing that can hurt me is you, and I don't have anything else to be afraid of.

One glance is tranquil, the next angst. Then hope, and then dread. Another love-hate relationship. The full moon and me.

It's the 5th of December 2009, 2:25pm. As of just now, I renounce chocolate.

It actually happens. When I wrong somebody, I can feel more hurt.

There's a reason I want you as my guardian angel. I know you understand. I don't care about anybody or anything else, I want you somewhere nearby, all the time. That's my wish. That's my prayer.

There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake, but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it is a mistake is to make that mistake and look back and say, "Yup, that was a mistake".

Sometimes you just can't tell the person you desire just that. It's yet another mess in life.

And sometimes you just have to say it. That's a mess in life too.

In a situation where I have to choose between dharma and love, if I actually have to think about it, then I'm not that much of a free mind, am I?

I will never buy a car. That is my commitment and passive contribution to protect the environment.

I am i becoz u r u. and i love u very much.

Question. Loving somebody but not being with them or "having" them - VS. - knowing that you can love somebody forever and nobody can take that away from you.

Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

During the workshop children learn the six-gold keys to success through innovative games and interactive processes that reinforce human values. Through fun and laughter, children learn valuable lessons on how to share with others, work and play in harmony and develop a sense of belonging. Children become more self-expressive and comfortable and natural even with diverse groups of people.

Students are also taught yoga and effective and powerful breathing processes which help eliminate fear, anxiety, depression and other negative emotions. Meditation, being an important tool to tap the children's hidden potential, forms an integral part of the program.

After undergoing the program, children demonstrate enhancement of creative skills, improved memory and concentration, development of leadership qualities and healthy emotions, clarity of mind as well as improved interaction with their peers.

Start Time: Friday, December 25, 2009 at 8:30am
End Time: Monday, December 28, 2009 at 12:30pm
Location: HAL Convention Center, Bengaluru
Registration details: http://dhamaka-utsah.webs.com/

Both fun and challenging, this 18 hour seminar provides teens with a comprehensive toolbox to both manage their own emotions and stress as well as dynamically navigate through adolescence.

The program broadens youth's vision of the world and provides practical knowledge and skills they need to realize their highest potential.

Independent research has also shown that the processes learned on YES! reduce anger violence and depression, as well as improve focus, clarity of mind and concentration.

Main Aspects of the Program:

1. Physical – Dynamic body exercises, yoga and innovative breathing techniques.
2. Mental – Practical knowledge to eliminate counter productive activity and enhance learn ability; Techniques and interactive processes to improve memory, concentration & focus.
3. Social – Experiential processes to develop problem solving strategies and social skills; Interactive games to develop leadership and life skills; Teamwork exercises to teach cooperation and conflict resolution.

Start Time: Friday, December 25, 2009 at 2:30pm
End Time:   Monday, December 28, 2009 at 6:30pm
Location:   HAL Convention Center, Bengaluru
Website and Registration Details: http://dhamaka-utsah.webs.com/

Is there something I want so badly that I feel like if it doesn't come true I will have missed out on something special? Yes!

Are there intense signs telling me that this is the chance to put everything I've got into furthering that goal or dream? Yes!

I have to invest now in something I want to grow in and make it more important in my life. But to get what I want, I need to let go of whatever is not working and anything that has outlived its usefulness, whether that is an attitude, or a life situation that no longer fits who I am today. And possibly take a few moments to stand back and look at what I've accomplished.

During these last several months, I have craved for changes in my life that I am now ready to take to a new level. In the past, just when I thought I knew what was going on and which direction I wanted to go in, something happened to hamper the progress. I live in a changing world, and now is the time for me to change along with it, I have to ride the waves of change. Before anything else, I want to become clear about my future. Not by worrying about the details right now, just getting the big picture, so I have something to aim for.

Talking to you: Are we just friends? Or, are we closer? Do I want to connect intimately and also to keep everything private? I struggle to determine the difference between fantasy and reality. There is desire for pleasure, but there is also the change of feeling misunderstood. My values and beliefs are in continuous debate with me.

Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

I have plenty to write about, but I feel a lot of it is either totally boring or too messy. Today, I’m going to share some of the lines from my online chat history. There’s no story here, just abstract lines.

• What do they say ... if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

• I’ll take the bus to wind tunnel road. You can pick me up from there.

• Morning sweetheart.

• India is shining. But all that glitters is not gold.

• Don’t blame yourself. Find somebody or something else to blame or share the blame.  My decisions and choices are not all mine.  My mind is not all mine.  People and things around me influence and affect my thinking all the time, sometimes momentarily, sometimes permanently. And those influences are sometimes to blame. And I cannot block out those influences.  Then life would be like a telephone wire. Chattering goes about all the time. But the wire remains a wire. A strip of copper. Dead.  I will brood, I will regret, I will sulk, I will reminisce, I will blame others.

• What’s troubling you?

• If you hold your breath long enough, you'll experience hypoxia, I call it - the next best thing to madness. You can still think. Whatever you think, you will feel it's all ok, you won't have a choice.

• I have a kind of morning sickness. No. I’m not pregnant.

• Why am I like ... when I think of somebody I care for ... I forget my own troubles. Even if that's for a few moments.

• People come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime.

• I checked her kundli. She has only 1 small window of 2 months in 2011. If she doesn’t marry then, it’s never.

• We have to make compromises and adjustments. But we CAN choose when, where, and with whom.

• Sometimes I feel like I want to wail, then I suddenly realize that I’m not able to.

• Lots of hugs and kisses and blessings. And know that you are loved a lot.

• My internet connection is all f****d up today. Comes and goes and comes and goes.

• I slept after the last call 2 u. Woke up at 6. Lazed around. Felt like it, so went to the clinic and gave blood for testing, went to McDonalds for breakfast. Got to office at 12. So far nobody has come to me. Got 7 calls on the phone between 10 and 12, didn’t answer any.  I’m such an ass.

• I need to get drunk... only then will this feeling go.

• I want to see the expression on her face. I have a feeling she is probably expecting it. When I meet her next, I tell her. If she is not interested in a fling, then … Whatever ya. I’m so f*****g confused.

• Waiting for something big to happen. Something really really big. Something that will blow my mind away, or make it numb, either ways. Something explosive.   something...

• Right now I wish my head felt numb.

• I’m pretty tired and in no mood for polite conversation with people who I don’t know!

• Somewhere I want to, actually, wanted to, fall in love, again.

• The last one is not something I will talk about just now. I'm not very proud of myself about it. It is  .... somewhat ... scandalous.

• There was a time I was hiding from the world, so I said I was meditating. Most people buy it.

• I’m working in a garment factory. Software consultant - got a contract for 3 months. 2 weeks left.

• Good Good. Treat yourself well. And keep smiling.

The waves of heat that blow over the surface of a desert
It's there, it's for everyone.
It's untouchable, it's for no one.
It's dense, it's intense, it's impenetrable.
It's fragile, delicate, about to disappear.
It's alive, it plays, it's asleep, it drools.
It's calm, it's mad, it laughs, and cries.
It changes in a blink, and again back to it.
It hides things that exist, shows things that aren't.
It is not the mirage.
The mirage is in you, you live a mirage.
Today, I feel like that wave of heat.

Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

Yesterday I passed by my past. Friday morning in Bangalore saw an unusual spell of rain. I was on M.G.Road, waiting for a friend, to go shopping in City Market. Don't know what brought it on, but I had this uncontrollable urge for a softy cone. I walked down to the regular softy shop on Bridage Road, found it closed, and went into McDonalds. The rain turned into a light drizzle just then.

I had just stepped out of McDonalds, licking my vanilla softy cone, when I passed a couple walking in the opposite direction. I thought that was somebody familiar, and being very engrossed with my softy cone, didn't immediately pay attention. After several moments, it struck me. I replayed the last few seconds in my head. She looked as beautiful as before. I turned around and watched her walk away in the other direction, silently waving her a good-bye, trying to ignore the trembling in my legs, then telling myself, C'est la vie, and trying to mentally recite this poem I read recently.

It's written by Semone Akil Tabb, in which he has so clearly written exactly what I had wanted to say for a long time.

Like a thief, unexpectedly you robbed me
No more coldness within my heart
You changed it from dirty stone
Into a beautiful piece of art

To passion I had no vision
But you kissed my eyes and let me see
Another part of my rigid being
You so graciously set free
Emotions which I found foreign,
Seem to be a second language today
You taught me how to speak them
Within my heart they’ll stay

Like a thief, unexpectedly you robbed me
Stole my heart without a peep
I thank you for being so silent
My heart you shall keep

Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com

My favourite song was ...

रात कलि एक ख्वाब में आई , और गले का हार हुई ।
सुबह को जब हम नींद से जागे , आँख तुम्ही से चार हुई ।
चाहे कहो इसे मेरी मोहब्बत , चाहे हसीं में उड़ा दो ।
ये क्या हुआ मुझे , मुझको ख़बर नहीं , हो सके तुम ही बता दो ।
तुमने कदम जो , रखा ज़मीन पर , सीने में क्यूँ झंकार हुई ।

Cheers
Mayur Poddar
@poddu.com
@www.67knots.com